What's Your Perception?

It’s been a busy summer.   I took a job as a substance abuse counselor at a county jail here in Massachusetts and it’s been quite a while since I have worked in a correctional facility.  Although the money isn’t great, the job suits me because it allows me to work with men, many of whom lack any knowledge about emotional management.  I have come to believe that most men who find themselves incarcerated are there because they reacted to negative feelings, rather than thinking about the way they feel and taking the time to assess and strategize a response to those feelings.  

I’m fond of telling guys that our perceptions are our realities.  We react to various stimuli that come at us from every direction based upon our assumptions and our past experiences with those stimuli.  Through our experiences, we often develop biases about people, places, things, and events.  For example, I had a bias about correctional officers before I began working at this particular facility, and that bias told me that most correctional officers were cynical and unfriendly people.  I attributed their cynicism to the nature of their jobs, and my opinion was based upon my experiences working at other facilities where I found many correctional employees wearing their negative emotions on their sleeves.  

Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the overwhelming majority of correctional employees here at the facility that currently employs me are not only friendly, but they will go out of their way to help when help is needed.  One young officer even approached me two days ago and introduced himself to me by name, and that was something that I had NEVER experienced in a jail before.   As a result of my new experiences at my new place of employment, I have had to rethink my biases about correctional employees, which has taught me that perhaps some prisons and jails are more pleasant places to work at than others.  

Bias can certainly be a cause of negative thinking, but there are many more.  Buying into labels can be just as damning.  For example, perhaps you have set a goal for yourself in the past and have told others about it, only to be told that you weren’t pretty enough, smart enough, ambitious enough, or strong enough to accomplish that goal.  Or, maybe someone has called you lazy or unmotivated in the past, and you have allowed those labels to sink into your brain and influence the way you see yourself.  I see a lot of that at the jail.  Many inmates have been labeled losers, or junkies, or addicts by their families and their “friends” following their troubles with law enforcement and consequently have learned to see themselves as those labels.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  Your perception is your reality.  If you see yourself as a loser, then you most assuredly have the potential to live up to that label.  But what if you refused to buy into the negative labels others have place upon you, or you have placed upon yourself?  

The last thinking error I will discuss today is rationalizing.  When we rationalize, we are basically finding a way to lie to ourselves that in turn allows us to either do something, or not do something.  Rationalizing allows us to break our own rules.  If I tell myself at the beginning of the week that I am not going to spend any money on coffee at the many coffee shops in my hometown, and then two days later I find myself in the drive-thru line at Dunkin Donuts after telling myself I deserve “this one coffee” because I only slept four hours the night before, I have rationalized away my commitment to stay away spending money unnecessarily at coffee shops.  Or, if I tell myself that I am going to go the gym on Monday night after work and then I talk myself out of it by telling myself I would have a better workout the next morning rather than on Monday night, then I have rationalized my not following through on my commitment to myself.  In essence, we end up changing our perceptions of the importance of our goals in order to free ourselves up to not follow through with them.  

Although I am not always successful, I strive to perceive people places, things, and circumstances in a positive manner because looking at them negatively does not help me accomplish my goals.  I’d be the first one to tell you that our perceptions usually do not change overnight, but they are worth considering because the way you look at things, or at yourself, may be holding you back from reaching your true purpose in life.  After all, we only go around once here! 

Pick Up Your Damn Self

So, the news isn’t good.  The American economy is struggling and our government seems to want to spend time focusing on trivial and noncontroversial matters rather than tackle those challenges that are putting every American on edge.  It would be very easy to blame these and other issues for what ails us.  After all, the stuff we hear and read about in the news is damned depressing at times and it’s real easy for some of us to take a victim’s approach and freeze in response to the chaos that resides all around us.  

You need to shake that shit off and here’s why:  there will always be chaos and confusion because that is what life is.  There are always going to be situations or events that have the potential to cause us fear but you need to realize that YOU control your emotions!  Yes, that’s right: you can wallow in the muck of your own self-defeatist attitude or you can tell yourself that life is too damn short to be unhappy or fearful.  There is absolutely no doubt that we as individuals are not in control of everything that happens in our world, but there is equally no doubt that we can control how we respond to those happenings.  Attitude is everything.  The trick is that one’s attitude can be great one day and simply crappy the next day.  The solution is to develop ways to pick up your damn self when your attitude is wavering.  Here are some suggestions:

·         Use Positive Self-Talk – Do you ever listen to the thoughts that go on in your head?  You can control those thoughts, you know.  When you notice the negativity creeping into your cognitive processing, work to replace them with thoughts that will motivate you to push through the negativity.  For example, instead of dreading a particular task that lies in front of you, think about how good you will feel when you complete that task.  

·         Smile – It’s amazing how a simple physical act can change one’s whole perspective.  Next time you are feeling angry, or fearful, or confused, simply smile and notice how your mood changes.  Smile at others when you are out and about and notice how your smile affects them.  After all, whatever you are feeling at any moment is only temporary because situations change, and smiling can connect you to a better emotional state that can carry you through those inevitable rough spots we all encounter in our lives.  

·         Reach out – It is not at all uncommon for people to isolate when they are feeling negative emotions, and that can be beneficial for a while because sometimes we need time by ourselves to figure out how best to move ahead.  But isolation is not good for a long time because you need to surround yourself with people who will support you and encourage you to succeed, no matter what.  In addition to getting support, you will be able to lend support to others, which will only strengthen your own self-worth because helping others makes us feel good.  

·         Move – It takes energy to pick up your damn self.  Sometimes, we can get too comfortable sitting around wallowing in our own trivial tasks we tell ourselves are important, knowing full well that they are not important and the only reason we are doing them is to avoid what truly needs to be done.  Stand up, take inventory, and then figure out the one thing you can do today that will serve to move you toward a solution to at least one of your challenges.  Nothing gets accomplished without action.  So get up, do a couple of jumping jacks to get the blood flowing, and get moving.

·          Be Grateful – Although you have undoubtedly taken a few tumbles along your journey, I would bet that there are people, places, and things in your life that give you pleasure.  As I am sitting here typing this, I am witnessing the end of a day that brought me more than my share of headaches, but I also had a humorous conversation with my brother and I reached out and sent some family photos to people that I love.  Tonight, I will eat two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then watch a bit of the Bruins playoff game against the Penguins.  I still face many challenges this week (and it’s Thursday already!), but I am thankful for the little joys that life brings me every day.  

·         Seek Inspiration – There are sources of inspiration all around you.  Trust me on this.  There are books, websites, and podcasts that are designed specifically to inspire you, and there are many examples in every community that demonstrate how people are living their dreams.    Your mission is to tap into some of the many resources available.  I’d tell you where to look specifically, but you know where to look.  Use Google.  Take a walk down the main drag in your town.  Visit a bookstore, if you can still find one.  

Well, there you have it.  I just picked up my damn self and finished this blog posting and I am feeling darn glad I did.  If I can do it, so can you!

The Benefits of Eating a Plant-Based Diet

Most Americans have been raised on meat, poultry, and fish.  As soon as we are old enough to chew our food, our caretakers typically begin to introduce foods to us that come from the animal kingdom.  We’re not really given a choice; in fact, I can remember many times over the course of my childhood and adolescence being told that I would not be able to go out and play after dinner unless I finished the food on my plate.  We’re trained to eat what is put in front of us from an early age and to refrain from actually putting much thought into just what we are eating.  But what if all we thought we knew about food were stretches of truth?  What if beef, poultry, and fish weren’t really that good for us, or for our environment, after all? 

I want to say right up front that I am by no means a strict vegan or even a strict vegetarian.  I spend a lot of time on boats at sea with the Coast Guard and, well, let’s just say that they, like most other institutionalized food service organizations, serve a lot of meat and I’d probably go crazy if I limited my food intake to plant-based foods every day.  But I do have a greater awareness these days of what I am eating and I do eat many meals where I forego meat in favor of foods that are not produced from the animal world.  As a result, I feel that I may be lengthening my life a bit, and I truly believe that eating less meat has given me more, not less, energy as I work my busy days.  In addition, I also believe that eating less meat contributes to a global cause that could ultimately have many positive impacts on our world.  Some of you may read this and think that I’m simply a crazy liberal for thinking this way, but I hope that you’ll keep reading so you’ll understand where I’m coming from here. 

Consider how animals are processed for food in this day and age.  The techniques aren’t really publicized because if the practices involved in factory farming were well-known, there would be a whole lot less meat sold.  Sixty or seventy years ago, animals that were raised for food grew up on farms and were treated more or less humanely before they were sent to slaughter.  However, as our population has boomed since the 1950s, farming has moved from family enterprises to big corporate business.  Today, many animals raised for human consumption never see the light of day and are raised without ever moving out of their cages except when they are being prepared to be killed for food.  That means they stand around in their own waste for their entire lives.   In addition, they are given drugs so they grow quicker because time, after all, is money.  Animals raised under these conditions have no quality of life and may well be spreading viruses they incur while they are alive to the humans that consume them.

Despite what most of us have been led to believe, one doesn’t need to consume animal-based foods to obtain enough protein for their bodies to be strong and healthy.  There are plenty of plant-based foods that may be eaten that will provide more than enough protein for even the most active athlete.  In fact, animal-based foods can elevate bad cholesterol levels and cause other health issues for humans, including heart disease and stroke.  Studies have demonstrated that as people living in developing countries are better able to regularly add meat to their diets, their general health deteriorates.  They become obese and they develop the same sorts of diseases we Americans have been dealing with for the past fifty years.

A third benefit of eating plant-based foods is that they take less of a toll on our environment.  It takes a lot more grain to feed a cow every day in order to fatten it up so that it can be steak one day than it does to simply feed that grain to people.  Every day, animal food manufacturers are deforesting land all over this planet in order to create more room to grow plants that will be fed to animals that we will eventually eat, rather than feeding those plants to us directly.  Many view this practice as an inefficient use of resources that could be utilized to better feed all of the people of the world instead of just the ones in developed countries. 

I don’t expect you to read this and suddenly change your mind about how and what you eat.  Even if the information contained here does cause you concern, old habits die hard and I would be the first to tell you that it’s damned difficult to give up food that one has grown up with his entire life.  I would invite you, however, to do your own research so you can at least be informed about how animal-based foods are ultimately harming our planet and how greater consumption of plant-based foods can ultimately make us, and our world, a healthier place. 

 

 

Nutrition Matters!

I am just wrapping up teaching an online course for Endicott College on the psychology of adulthood and aging and, as always, I have probably learned as much as my students. As I conducted my research for the course, I read about an array of topics including vocation, self concept, midlife crisis, and the importance of keeping both the mind and the body active in later years. I have also learned about how depression can sometimes occur in folks who find themselves less able to participate in activities they took for granted in earlier years. Naturally, all of this information is interesting to me because I am committed to not only keeping myself healthy and active, but sharing information with you to help you do the same.

 So, what about nutrition? How does the food we ingest affect our psychological and physical health? I throw this question out there because I strongly believe that we are what we eat. No, that doesn't mean that you're a cow if you eat steak, but I would surmise that our overall health is largely dependent on the decisions we make regarding our diet. I am not here to preach the benefits of any one specific diet because, after all, it's up to you to decide how to eat, just as it's up to you to decide how much you're going to exercise or whether you're going to use tobacco, alcohol, or recreational drugs. I will recommend, however, that you take a look at some of the research that has been conducted by scientists such as Caldwell Esselstyn, M.D., Dr. Joseph Crowe, and Dr. T. Colin Campbell regarding the benefits of eating a whole foods plant-based diet. Just a few short years ago, I thought people who limited their caloric intake to foods from plants were most likely tree hugging wusses who neurotically cared more about nonhuman animals than they did about their fellow man. In 2010, though, I had occasion to watch a DVD called "Eating" that very clearly demonstrates the benefits of eating a plant based diet, as well as, the hazards of consuming foods derived from animals. The most important messages in this film are:

 - People whose diets include animal byproducts regularly suffer greater instances of cancer and heart disease than people who consume little or no foods derived from animals;

 - It has been scientifically proven that it is possible in many cases to actually reduce symptoms related to certain diseases and chronic diseases by switching to a whole foods, plant-based diet; and

 - Contrary to popular belief, there are many other foods besides meat that can supply the human body with all of the protein it needs.

 I think it's important to state here that, like most of us in the U.S., I was raised on beef, chicken, pork fish, and dairy products, and I really wasn't too sure I wanted to give up these beloved foods even after learning what I had learned from watching "Eating" and doing some subsequent research. However, I decided to begin slowly and simply eat one meal a day that didn't contain foods from animals. By the way, staying away from animal-free foods is easier if one prepares the food himself because one can never be sure just what the heck restaurants are putting in their menu choices. Is it hard to eat less meat, chicken, fish, and dairy products? I would answer this question by saying that each person's relationship with food is different and thus the challenge that accompanies any dietary change is different for each individual as well. I can tell you that it is easier if you have a friend or a family member who is willing to join you on your journey.

Commitment to any change, dietary or otherwise, requires inspiration and discipline. You can keep yourself inspired by reading literature or viewing video that discusses the benefits that result from healthy eating, and by surrounding yourself with people who share the same beliefs you do. You can also gain inspiration by keeping a journal in which you record your food intake, as well as, your thoughts and feelings before, during, and after you eat.

 One final note about commitment: many people tend to give up after a slip-up, and tell themselves they just can't do it. Listen, it's okay to give in to temptation sometimes. We are humans, after all, which means we're going to screw up. The important thing to remember is that the benefits of change don't disappear simply because we decide to gorge on a double cheeseburger with all of the fixings on a Friday night. The benefits remain, and they can be yours if you simply recommit and renew your resolution to eat with your health in mind.

 How am I doing with my eating habits, you may ask? I have my good days and my not-so-good days. While I have definitely eaten less animal foods and processed foods since seeing that film in 2010, I sometimes give myself permission to eat stuff that isn't good for my body but tastes fantastic. So, while I occasionally lose the battle, I feel like I am making progress in the war.

I'll end by saying that eating healthier will give you more energy, and that's the whole point of this blog.  As always, I wish you the best in your quest for good health and happiness!

Scott

Cycling for Exercise and Fun

I went looking for a bicycle a couple of years ago. I never thought I would ever own another bike, but I had given a lot of thought to buying one for several reasons. I had always enjoyed riding my bike as a kid and I could see myself getting a charge out of being able to travel around again on two wheels. I have always figured that it’s good to indulge that little kid in all of us at times. I also thought that cycling would be a bit easier than running on my knees. It wasn’t like I was going to stop running, but I thought it would be good to develop an alternative because, as much as I hate to admit it, my joints aren’t quite as strong as they used to be. Another reason I bought a bike was that gas prices were getting outrageous and I knew I could save at least a little bit of money if I used bike pedals instead of a gas pedal.

Biking is a great way to exercise, and exercise is something that all humans need in order to remain healthy. There are plenty of benefits derived from regular exercise. Those who exercise are stronger than those who don’t. Exercise is also a healthy way to manage one’s weight, lower one’s blood pressure, and avoid disease. It also helps you sleep better. Exercise is also great for your head. Your thoughts will be clearer following a good workout and you may find it easier to solve problems both at work and at home. Most importantly, though, you’ll feel better. You’ll feel great about taking care of yourself, you’ll be less stressed throughout the day, and you’ll enjoy the respect that you will receive from family and friends.

I didn’t really know what kind of bike to buy as I had not owned one in thirty years. A friend recommended that I go see the guys at Martha’s Bikes in North Plymouth, Massachusetts. Martha’s features bikes made by Trek, a company that began building bicycles back in 1976 and has developed quite a product mix, as well as, a huge following among avid bikers. At the time, I wanted a durable bike that would get me around town and would not cost me over $400. Ed at Martha’s recommended that I purchase a hybrid bike, meaning that it would ride fine on either trails or on the road. The bike had an aluminum frame and came with a shock absorber on its seat post, which I figured would save my rear end from becoming too beat up. Ed proved to be very knowledgeable about bikes in general and, when I agreed to buy, he even threw in an initial free tune-up as long as I brought the bike back within a year of the purchase date.

Of course, when one buys a bike, one has to look at other necessities and accessories. Two necessities were a helmet and a bike lock. There was absolutely no way I was going to ride a bike without a helmet, although I see people riding without them all of the time. There are, quite simply, too many drivers on the road today that just don’t have an eye for looking out for cyclists. I can’t tell you how many times I have come close to getting picked off by someone who just wasn’t paying attention to the tall guy rumbling down the road on two wheels instead of four.

Bike locks keep people honest. The one I bought certainly isn’t going to stop someone who really wants my bike. The cable on my lock can most certainly be cut by one of those pairs of heavy duty cable cutters, but how many people carry those things around? My lock is a combination style, and I could set the combination to whatever I wanted it to be when I bought it. It’s made by a company called Kryptonite. If it’s strong enough for Superman, it’s strong enough for me.

My new Trek bike cost me $350, they charged me $34 for the helmet, and then another $15 for the lock. All of that is just shy of $400, which was my limit in the first place. Of course, sales tax threw me a bit over my target, but I was willing to ride with that given the quality of my purchases.

I love my bike. I love the way it rides and I love the speeds that I can attain as I roll into the center of town. I never realized how hilly my home town is before I bought my bike, though, and hills can be a real challenge when one first get s started as a rider. There are two tricks to negotiating hills; one is physical, and the other is mental. In a physical sense, a rider has to know his bike and, specifically, how to handle the gear shifters. This requires practice. There were a few times when I was first starting out (hell, it even happened last week, come to think of it!) when I went to shift and suddenly found myself pedaling an unattached chain. Thankfully, my Trek seems to quickly repair itself when this happens, for which I am eternally grateful. But it helps to know when to shift and what gear to shift to. As I said, this takes some trial and error but it’s all good because it’s really not that hard to figure out.

Anyone who has ever begun an exercise routine knows that the head can get in the way of getting things done. If going uphill on a bike was easy, everyone would be out there doing it. The trick is to focus on how you will feel once you get over that hill, rather than focusing on the difficulty of climbing it. It won’t take too long for your body to adjust to climbing hills and before you know it, you’ll actually look forward to the challenge of the whole experience.

I’ll close this with a quote from Jerry at Martha’s Bikes in Plymouth. We were standing outside his shop after I picked up my bike after he had tuned it last week. As I was strapping on my helmet, he smiled and said:

“Watch out for the knuckleheads out there.”

Have a great week.

Being Positive

Hi and welcome to one of the most positive places you will ever find on the web. My name is Scott Frahlich and I have undertaken the task of writing this blog in order to share with you some really cool ideas about how to stay ahead of the game in this crazy world of ours. I’m going to say right up front that I don’t have all of the answers, and for that reason I’ll ask my readers to share their ideas about what they do to keep themselves energized and motivated in 2012. I’ll discuss a whole range of topics here including nutrition and diet, exercise, organizational skills, and tools that are all useful in keeping us feeling positive and facing each day with vigor and enthusiasm.

I’m going to begin this evening by discussing mental energy because that’s where all of this begins. We can’t do anything positive for ourselves unless we can consistently keep ourselves in good spirits. Unfortunately, there are lots of obstacles to being positive for many of us and I have come to the conclusion that those obstacles aren’t going to go away any time soon. That simply means that we have to find a way around them. One of the toughest lessons I had to learn in my life was that one can’t ignore the obstacles because they have the potential to chew you up and spit you out if you’re not careful. I have found that if we face our problems rather than ignoring them, no matter what they are, things seem to go a lot better in a shorter span of time.

What holds you back from living your dreams? Are you stuck in a rut? Do you ever feel like your life is never going to get better than it is right now? Perhaps you work a job that doesn’t really challenge you, or maybe you’ve been unemployed for a while. Some of you are probably packing a few more pounds than you’d like to and wonder if you’ll ever have the energy to develop a regular exercise regimen to regain your health. Or, maybe you’re in a relationship that just doesn’t feel right anymore and you’re looking for a way to improve it. We all have our stressors, but many of us have no idea how to relieve them in healthy ways. It’s no wonder a lot of us eat with little or no concern for our health, or smoke, or use alcohol to excess as often as we do.

I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to live your life that way, but I’ll be the first to tell you in the same sentence that change does not come easy. A lot of us fear change, and some of us even fear success. By the time we become adults, we have become fairly set in our ways and often think it’s just too darn hard to make changes. I’ve been an exerciser most of my adult life and it’s sometimes really difficult to get out there and run or make it to the gym to lift. If it was easy, the roads would be overcrowded with bikers and runners and the gyms would have lines for every machine and free weight in them.

The trick is to look past the pain. I have told the following story in the psychology courses I have taught over the years and it does a great job of illustrating this point. Back in 1972, a researcher named Walter Mischel conducted a study at Stanford University in which he gave one marshmallow each to a group of four year-old children and promised them a second one if they could wait twenty minutes before eating the first one. Predictably, some of the kids just couldn’t wait to taste the sweet treat and promptly consumed it. Others, however, sat patiently and waited for the full twenty minutes and then received the second marshmallow as a reward for doing so.

Now, to me, it’s pretty remarkable that even one four year-old child was able to delay his or her gratification in order to receive a greater reward, but what is even more noteworthy about this experiment is that when they went back and studied those kids when they were adolescents, those that were able to delay their gratification by waiting for the second marshmallow were more well-adjusted, more dependable, and scored higher on entrance exams for college.

To me, that experiment illustrates that, while it is often difficult to be patient and wait for the results of hard work and extra effort, the payoff can be big as long as we are patient enough to work for it. It seems that it pays to be able to visualize the outcome and concentrate not on the present discomfort, but rather concentrate on what is coming further on down the road if we remain positive and focused.

I invite you to think about your own need for instant gratification and whether or not you are stuck in habits that you know are not good for you. Here’s a final illustration: over the last year, I have been educating myself on the benefits of eating less animal protein and more fruits and vegetables. No, I am not a devoted vegetarian, but I have cut back drastically on the amount of beef, pork, and chicken I consume because I just don’t think it’s good for all of us to be eating animals all the time. I’ll talk more about this in a later blog post but the point I want to make here is that if you would have told me two years ago that I could ever be satisfied with a sandwich with no meat or fish in it, I would have told you that you were loco. Then, one day, I found myself in a Subway restaurant and decided I’d try one of their “Veggie Delight” subs. I’m here to tell you that, with some cheese and a little chipotle sauce, that sandwich rocked and now it’s the only thing I eat when I visit that particular restaurant.

I guess that’s a good place to end this first post. I have lots more to do tonight but I am going to choose to look beyond the tasks and look forward to the completed work. Thanks for reading and please come back!

Scott