It’s been a busy summer.
I took a job as a substance abuse counselor at a county jail here in
Massachusetts and it’s been quite a while since I have worked in a correctional
facility. Although the money isn’t
great, the job suits me because it allows me to work with men, many of whom
lack any knowledge about emotional management.
I have come to believe that most men who find themselves incarcerated
are there because they reacted to negative feelings, rather than thinking about
the way they feel and taking the time to assess and strategize a response to
those feelings.
I’m fond of telling guys that our perceptions are our
realities. We react to various stimuli
that come at us from every direction based upon our assumptions and our past
experiences with those stimuli. Through
our experiences, we often develop biases about people, places, things, and
events. For example, I had a bias about
correctional officers before I began working at this particular facility, and
that bias told me that most correctional officers were cynical and unfriendly
people. I attributed their cynicism to
the nature of their jobs, and my opinion was based upon my experiences working
at other facilities where I found many correctional employees wearing their
negative emotions on their sleeves.
Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the
overwhelming majority of correctional employees here at the facility that
currently employs me are not only friendly, but they will go out of their way
to help when help is needed. One young
officer even approached me two days ago and introduced himself to me by name,
and that was something that I had NEVER experienced in a jail before. As a result of my new experiences at my new
place of employment, I have had to rethink my biases about correctional
employees, which has taught me that perhaps some prisons and jails are more
pleasant places to work at than others.
Bias can certainly be a cause of negative thinking, but
there are many more. Buying into labels
can be just as damning. For example,
perhaps you have set a goal for yourself in the past and have told others about
it, only to be told that you weren’t pretty enough, smart enough, ambitious
enough, or strong enough to accomplish that goal. Or, maybe someone has called you lazy or
unmotivated in the past, and you have allowed those labels to sink into your
brain and influence the way you see yourself.
I see a lot of that at the jail.
Many inmates have been labeled losers, or junkies, or addicts by their
families and their “friends” following their troubles with law enforcement and
consequently have learned to see themselves as those labels. It doesn’t have to be that way. Your perception is your reality. If you see yourself as a loser, then you most
assuredly have the potential to live up to that label. But what if you refused to buy into the
negative labels others have place upon you, or you have placed upon yourself?
The last thinking error I will discuss today is
rationalizing. When we rationalize, we
are basically finding a way to lie to ourselves that in turn allows us to
either do something, or not do something.
Rationalizing allows us to break our own rules. If I tell myself at the beginning of the week
that I am not going to spend any money on coffee at the many coffee shops in my
hometown, and then two days later I find myself in the drive-thru line at
Dunkin Donuts after telling myself I deserve “this one coffee” because I only
slept four hours the night before, I have rationalized away my commitment to
stay away spending money unnecessarily at coffee shops. Or, if I tell myself that I am going to go
the gym on Monday night after work and then I talk myself out of it by telling
myself I would have a better workout the next morning rather than on Monday
night, then I have rationalized my not following through on my commitment to
myself. In essence, we end up changing
our perceptions of the importance of our goals in order to free ourselves up to
not follow through with them.
Although I am not always successful, I strive to perceive
people places, things, and circumstances in a positive manner because looking
at them negatively does not help me accomplish my goals. I’d be the first one to tell you that our
perceptions usually do not change overnight, but they are worth considering
because the way you look at things, or at yourself, may be holding you back
from reaching your true purpose in life.
After all, we only go around once here!
